For the past few years, I don't dare to go out alone. Walking alone, ordering food at the counter, and shopping alone were so hard for me.
Whenever I was ordered by any of my family members to pay something at the counter, I always found myself trembling. When I was asked to run errands and needed to go out alone, I became more conscious of my surroundings.
Whenever people's eyes land on me, I feel like they are judging me to the core. It felt like they judged my body, my face, my fashion, and everything about me, which led me to hate going alone or walking alone.
I was terrified of being alone, but more than that, I felt like everyone was watching me, judging me. Every look felt like they were examining everything about me – how I looked, what I did, who I was. It was so tiring, always worrying about what people thought. I felt like I was on display, completely exposed and vulnerable. The pressure of those imagined judgments was too much; it kept me from going anywhere by myself.
I think my fear came from a deep insecurity, a feeling that I wasn’t good enough. This made me overly sensitive to what others thought of me. I felt like my worth depended on their approval. Needing their approval made me terrified of being rejected, and that kept me isolated.
But then, after years of not being able to go out alone, today, I finally dared to go out. I finally found myself strolling around the mall alone—I ordered my food, paid for my shopping at the counter, and strolled around. It was something I never expected that I'd be able to do. I never thought that I could go out alone. Surprisingly, it wasn't as terrifying as I'd imagined. The anxiety was still there, a faint whisper in the background, but it didn't overwhelm me. The world felt… manageable. It was a small step, but it felt like a giant leap towards freedom.
If I did find a way to escape from my cage, then I believe you are capable of doing the same. Imagine a time when you can step outside on your own, free from the anxiety that causes your heart to race or your hands to tremble. You will be able to explore the world around you without fear holding you back.
Think about the simple pleasures—shopping for food, browsing through the aisles, and choosing the items you love. You'll have the confidence to approach the checkout counter, pay for your selections, and feel a sense of accomplishment. This freedom will allow you to enjoy life and all the experiences it has to offer, just like anyone else. Allow yourself to be happy.
