I can never forget those people who made things harder for me when I was already at my lowest point. To this day, I still feel the same rage, pain, and hatred towards those individuals. Some people have told me that I am overreacting because it has been a year since those things happened.
"Seriously? You haven’t forgiven them yet?"
"LOL, what they did doesn’t hurt that much."
They can say those words to me because they have never been in my place. They do not know the feeling of being hurt by others when I was already severely destroyed.
"They probably don’t care about you now, and yet you still hate them?"
"Come on, move on. They’re living the best of their lives now."
That’s the point. They are okay while I am not. I am severely damaged by them, yet they are living a good life? How could they? How could they forget me? I was the one who was damaged, yet why am I not the one who is living a good life? Why is it them? They have moved on with their lives and are now living the best of their lives while I am here, still bleeding from things that were not my fault.
A lot of questions have been bothering me for the past months. I kept asking myself what I did to them for me to be hurt this much. I wonder how they could laugh in front of me. I have done nothing to them but show kindness. I have always been kind to them, making sure that my words and actions did not hurt them.
Before our last meeting, I apologized to them if I had ever hurt or offended them in any way. Why did I not receive a single apology from any of them? I reached the point of invalidating my feelings and emotions. Every time I remember those events, I tell myself that maybe I was not enough. Maybe my efforts were not enough for them to respect me, and maybe I did hurt them, and what happened was my fault. Maybe it was my karma.
When the school year 2023-2024 came, they showed up in front of me, smiling. I became colder towards them and intentionally avoided any place where I could run into them. Yet, they still approached me and asked why I was not interacting with them, and why I was not friendly with them.
Questions began to pop into my head again, wondering how they could act like that. Were they not aware that I was hurt by their actions and words? Were they not bothered by it? Because God knows that I have been bothered by the things that happened between me and them.
They continued to pester me for weeks, but due to the hectic schedule we had this school year, they stopped showing up in front of me. Although every time I saw them, they still teased me, saying that the atmosphere was cold whenever I was around.
When the last week of this school year came, they asked me to come to their supposed reunion. I declined because, as I said, I still feel the pain they inflicted on me.
Once again, those people reacted, saying that I was a killjoy for not joining them. If it were the old me, I would have been hurt by their actions, and maybe I would have forced myself to come, no matter how uncomfortable I was with them. But with the months that passed, I realized something. My feelings were valid, I was hurt by them, and it is normal for me to distance myself from them for my growth.
Maybe that is what we need. We have to validate our feelings for our growth. Let us not invalidate our feelings for the sake of pleasing people. If we feel hurt by their actions, it is okay. It is okay to feel hurt. There is nothing wrong with that. We should allow our emotions to be felt, even the smallest ones.
As I navigate through the complexities of emotions and past experiences, I am reminded of the importance of self-validation. It is crucial to acknowledge the depth of our feelings and honor our emotional responses, even in the face of external pressures or expectations. By embracing our vulnerabilities and allowing ourselves to feel, we pave the way for genuine healing and growth. Each emotion, whether big or small, carries significance and deserves recognition. Let us grant ourselves the compassion and understanding we extend to others, nurturing a sense of authenticity and resilience within ourselves.
