Will I ever learn how to say no?
As a child who was raised to always obey her parents and the elders, and was taught how to please people so I can be on their good side, it did affect me growing up; I became a people pleaser.
Because of the way I was raised, I forgot how to say no. I can’t say no to anyone. I grew up believing that I should always obey and please them, especially older people.
I feel compelled to fulfill any request, regardless of my own needs or limitations. You ask me to do your assignment even tho I haven’t made mine yet. I will finish yours first. You asked me to run an errand for you? I will do it even tho I’m tired. You ask me to do something that is against my principles and beliefs? I will still do it.
I always do everything to make sure that people like me. You can disguise your insult as a joke, and I will still force myself to see it as a joke. I always find myself suppressing my true feelings and accepting them as harmless humor. You judged me and criticized me with no respect? I will still thank you for that and consider it as good criticism.
I am a people pleaser.
I remember my mom asking me to help my sister with her chores while I was stressed and just got home from school. Instead of asserting my own needs, I acquiesced, feeling obligated to fulfill her request. My dad, too, often asked me to attend gatherings that overwhelmed me. Despite my anxiety, I always agreed, unable to voice my discomfort.
My sisters would often ask me to carry their things, even though my belongings were heavier. I would readily agree, never wanting to cause any inconvenience. This pattern of people-pleasing, ingrained in me from childhood, left me feeling drained and empty as if I had lost my voice and identity.
I grew up pleasing people, and it made me like this. I lost myself in the process of pleasing them. I lost track of myself. I lost the ability to speak up for my rights as an individual.
I’ve noticed that my constant "yes" is hurting my relationships. I’m feeling resentful towards others because I’m always putting their needs before my own.
I lived my life according to the expectations of others, always putting their needs before my own. My constant "yes" became a shield, protecting me from conflict but ultimately leaving me feeling lost and unfulfilled.
