To the first person who didn’t believe me when I said I was okay...
An open letter to my teacher,
The memory of that day remains clear: when you confronted me and asked if I was okay after I walked out of your class during our presentation. I vividly recall when I told you I was okay, but you just chuckled and said, "No, you’re not okay."
Frankly, I was taken aback when you said that. I expected you to believe me, as everyone else always did. I thought you would say, "Oh, that’s good." But you didn’t.
"Are you dealing with some problem? Or were you just nervous during your presentation?" You asked gently.
"No, I was just nervous."
That’s what I told you. But the truth was I was never okay at all. I felt like I was on the edge, I felt like my life crumbled again. I thought you believed me, but you didn’t.
Instead, you comforted me. You told me things I never thought I could hear from someone aside from my close friends.
"You rarely smile. I noticed how you immediately tore your smile off your face every time you smiled."
I didn’t expect you would notice that. I didn’t expect you would see how my smile froze every time I was smiling. But the following words, you’ve said, really made me tear up.
"I love your smiles. Smiling suits you."
I’ve never forgotten you telling me I was still young. But why does it feel like I’m already dealing with so many problems?
Hearing those comforting words from you calmed my heart back then. As someone who always says I’m okay when asked, it was shocking that you didn’t believe me.
Honestly, during the time you asked me those things, I was really at my lowest. I was at the stage of my life where everything felt like I was on the verge. My body was exhausted, my mind was messy and clouded, and my heart was hurt, but your words saved me.
So ma’am,
"Thank you. Thank you for not believing my lies back then. That conversation may just be a conversation to anyone, but to me, it was my savior. Your words saved me from completely drowning in things I always try to get away from. Thank you, ma’am, for saving me."
Your words, your motivations, your advice, and your praise – they all stay with me.
"The best version of you will be going to be one of the best gifts I will ever receive from someone." You said.
I hope you do know that I’m trying, that I’m trying to improve myself.
