When did I stop shedding tears?
The weather today is rainy, with dark clouds covering the sky and gentle raindrops falling steadily. The air feels heavy and laden with moisture, carrying a sense of sadness that seeps into the surroundings. The soft sound of raindrops falling gives off a somber and melancholic vibe.
As I sat on the edge of my bed, a hot coffee warming my hands, and staring at the windows where I could see the raindrops falling, a question arose in my mind. "When did I stop shedding tears?"
It’s been a while since the last time I cried. As I reminisce about the challenges of the past few weeks and even months, I realize something: Why haven’t I shed a single tear? All these experiences were painful, heart-wrenching even.
I remember rarely crying in those situations when, in fact, I usually would. I never cried, yet as months passed, a lead weight settled in my chest, growing heavier until it felt like it was suffocating me.
The heaviness I’m feeling right now and, for the past few months, is too intense, unlike the other months where I could still cry over my problems. Is this a sign that my eyes are too tired now to even shed tears?
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment my tears dried up, but I remember the feeling – a strange numbness that settled over me. It was as if a dam had broken, and all the tears I had been holding back simply vanished. At first, it felt like a relief, a release from the emotional turmoil. But as time went on, I realized that the numbness was a mask, hiding a deeper, more profound sadness.
It was like a switch flipped. One moment, I was drowning in tears, feeling the raw pain of my experiences wash over me. The next, I was empty. No tears, no sobs, just a hollow ache in my chest. It was as if the tears I had suppressed were now turning into a heavy burden, weighing me down and crushing my spirit. As if it also turns into a dense, suffocating fog within me.
Now, as I sit here, watching the rain fall, I realize the mistake I made. Suppressing my tears wasn’t a sign of strength but a way of avoiding the pain. I thought I was protecting myself, but in doing so, I only allowed the sadness to fester and grow. If I had let myself cry, maybe the heaviness in my heart wouldn’t have become so unbearable. Perhaps, by feeling my pain, I could have begun to heal. But now, the weight of my unshed tears feels like a prison, trapping me in a cycle of silence and sorrow.
Remember this :
We all have moments where we feel the urge to hold back tears, to put on a brave face and pretend everything is alright. But sometimes, the strongest thing we can do is to let those tears flow. They are not a sign of weakness, but a testament to our capacity for love, loss, and deep feeling. Allowing ourselves to cry can be a powerful act of self-care, a way to release the emotional tension that builds up inside. So, the next time you feel the urge to cry, don’t fight it. Embrace the tears, let them wash over you, and trust that they will bring you closer to healing and understanding.
